Biscuit Brownies

Its just about the second birthday of this blog. I've really enjoyed two beautiful years of cooking and writing.....and I love the places that this little project has taken me. When I first started writing about food (and of course love) I did it in a conscious effort to learn how to enjoy cooking for one. I had become so used to cooking for dates and boyfriends that I had completely forgotten how to cook a meal just for myself. Tonight I put on a record, poured a glass of wine and sat down to a big bowl of smoked salmon and mushroom ragu. It was delicious, but the best thing about it was how content it made me feel.

There are so many moments in my life at the moment where I am just so filled with joy by all the tiny bits and pieces that make up who I am and how I live my life. It makes me so incredibly happy to have this tiny little life, in this tiny little house, and a big scary job. One day hopefully I'll get around to writing a book about the adventures of a small pastry chef who spends all her time baking cakes and falling in love with the wrong people.......but until then I'll share with you a lovely recipe.

This recipe is from a wonderful new cook book I bought recently and have been so inspired by it. All the recipes are just so very beautiful and interesting. I'm really excited to make the maple bacon cupcakes! 

I made these cookies the other night when I was feeling a little blue. Ok lets be honest......I was feeling a little hung over, and I just needed something to help me feel a little grounded. Making cookies always brings me back to earth. So I made these and they made me quite happy.

Biscuit Brownies

From 'Sweet Tooth'

You will need:

• 160g of plain flour
• Half a tsp of baking powder
• Pinch of sea salt
• 30g unsalted butter
• 300g dark chocolate
• 4 eggs
• 175g caster sugar
• 30g flaked almonds

What to do: 

1. Mix together the plain flour, salt and baking powder.
2. With a double boiler melt together the chocolate and butter.
3. In an electric beater, beat together the eggs and sugar until pale and slightly thick.
4. Fold the egg mix into the chocolate mix.
5. Stir in the flour.
6. Place in the fridge to set for a minimum of 40 minutes.
7. Preheat oven to 180
8. Roll the cookie dough into desert spoon size bowls and press slightly onto a tray lined with baking paper (leave room for spreading.)
9. Sprinkle with almonds.
10. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes.
11. Allow to cool on the tray. 

  

In The Freezer

Can I let you in on a little secret? I am unbelievably, irrationally afraid of the deep freeze at my work. I'm not exactly sure why yet but every time I go in there I find myself in a fluster. Im not sure if its because I can never find what I'm looking for or the fact that after ten seconds in there I can no longer feel my fingers. One time I was in there for a good two minutes looking for some back up pastries before I found them on the top shelf which I could only reach with a small step. By the time I got out I was so cold that my body felt like it was going into shock. It took me five minutes before I came back to a normal temperature. 

My biggest fear though is being locked in the deep freeze. Last week I panicked when I thought I had locked myself in. Its lucky those freezers are sound proof.....I swore so loudly, only to find that there (or course) is a handle on both sides of the door.....like a normal door....like a normal person would presume. 

This week I've been thinking about how life at time can be a bit like a deep freezer. You find yourself in a situation and before you know what's going on your whole body goes numb and you find yourself in a pannick. I guess the lesson is, that there is always a handle, always a way out. You just have to take a moment to look for it. My aim for the coming week is to look for these handles. Take a few deep breaths, and maybe put on some gloves. 

With all this freezing going on....and a decent chance of hyperthermia, I'm off to have a glass of wine (to bring up my body temperature.) Or something like that. 

My two favourite places.

I think its so important in life to have a place where you feel you belong. A place that is simply your own. A world that no one can touch. I personally have two of these places. The kitchen and my tiny bedroom. One of my favourite writers once wrote "we live this life simply to go to the table, return to the bedroom and go back to the table." When I first read this, it made perfect sense to me. I think I live life for these two pleasant sanctuaries. 

This last week of starting back at work was at times insanely stressful. On my own for three days I managed to run the pastry kitchen of a five star hotel. Its something I have dreamed about for years, and its so amazing to finally be living this life that I have worked so hard to create. I had to call one of my best friends from back home yesterday just to yell down the phone "I'm doing it! I'm actually doing it! All those crazy plans we made, all those hours we spent talking about what we would do with our lives, have actually become a reality."

Apart from all the stress of long hours, no breaks, and huge prep listes I actually had a lovely time. The kitchen always feels like a home away from home. It was nice to be able to turn off my phone and just cook for nine hours. I felt like I had escaped the world in my tiny kitchen under the ground where I decorated cakes all day and plated up high tea for guests in the restaurant. Sometimes cooking feels a bit like falling in love. You know how you want it to work out, or how it 'should' look in your head, but it doesn't always go the way you plan. It is beautiful, and scary and intense, but you love every minute of it, even when you dont know why. I remember making my first croissant as vividly as I remember my first kiss. Its a private world that you can dive into and watch as something beautiful appears. It was almost a relief just to push everything to the side this week and say "This here, at work, is my time." There was no drama, no tention, no tears, but just me, a couple of cakes and a spatular. Honestly it was bliss. 

Today I am in my second favourite place. My room. I've been a little sick this week so I've locked myself up in this beautiful space to sit in bed, read books and eat pastries. Its so perfectly indulgent, and another place when I can just unwind. I could just loose myself in how lovely it is being here. 

I will sometime soon leave my bed, leave the kitchen and return to the 'real world.' I'll see my friends and get on with life. I will get around to posting a recipe on this blog. For now though, I'm so blissfully happy here, and I might just stay for a wee bit longer. 

To The New Year!

Im not quite sure what happened to this year. It feels like just the other day that I was sitting on a balcony with one of my best friends drinking champagne and welcoming in 2012. This year, like most years of my life has been so full of interesting changes and constant growth. I feel like the person I started the year as is so very different from the girl I am ending the year as. 

This year I catered my first wedding, perfected my tart making skill, threw some lovely dinner parties and of course fell in love a couple of times. 

One of my clearest memories of this year was sitting in a bar with one of my best friends despairing, and saying "I'm just working so hard. All I do is work, and get no where. All I do is go to work, practice recipes, and read cook books with no promise of actually getting any work once I finnish my course." I wanted to cry with frustration. Then three months later I found myself getting a wonderful job, starting my cookie business and somehow fitting into my favourite skinny jeans. Everything just fell into place, suddenly. 

This year I did all the beautiful things I set out to do (apart from remembering to attend yoga classes) and I feel I became the person I wanted to be. This however was not without working the hardest I have ever had to work in my life. 

If I learnt anything this year it would be that you can always do the things you want with your life, if you don't mind a little hard work, and if you have the right friends to back you. 

So here's a little recap of my favourite parts of this year. Hope you're year was beautiful too. x 

A very late blog post

I know, I know its been soooo very long since I wrote last. I really don't want to spend another blog post telling everyone how busy life is for this tiny pastry chef.....but goodness, its been crazy. I think its coming up to nearly two weeks since I've had a day off.  I'm actually not sure how I'm doing it at the moment, but can I just say, I'm kind of loving it. Yes Im tired, and yes I do want to sleep in past 5 am so badly, but at the same time I feel like everything in my life is falling into place.

It never quite happens how you expect it does it? I've spent so much time pushing at life these past few years, and now finally its like life is saying "ok ok if you are going to be so persistent, you can have all those things you wanted," and I kind of feel like I do. Despite the fact that my new job is insanely stressful at times I have so many moments where I'm just like "Your really going to pay me to bake cakes all day? Really?" Its so very beautiful. 

Lovely things just keep happening in my life. I feel so ready for this new year thats so quickly approaching. I feel so joyful for this new life that is approaching. 

I have some really lovely Christmas recipes to share with you...and I really cant wait. I hope your lead up to Christmas is lovely and without stress. 

Being brave......

I'm not going to lie......I have been crazy nervous about starting my new job. This however isn't a surprise. I get nervous about a lot of things. On my first date my hands shook so hard I was worried that this blond, long haired, beautiful boy would think I was crazy. I lost countless hours of sleep over the wedding I catered this year. When I launched my first range of cookies I was terrified that no one would buy them.

The strange thing is though, Im no scaredy cat. I just doubt the things I can do at times, and don't we all? 

My dad called me this week and told me a story about a small girl named Cherry who cried on her first day of school. Apparently she was too scared to go because she couldn't read. He had to explain to her that thats what you do at school......learn to read. 

Sometimes I get so ahead of myself. It can be hard to go fearlessly into the world holding our gentle and sometimes scared hearts in our chest. This however is exactly what we must do.

So this is what I have been doing.....and my first day at my new job was kind of lovely. 

Also, my new range of Christmas sugar cookies is in store. I had such fun making them. I'm starting to get excited about Christmas cooking, and crafts. 

So if I can give you any advice for the week it would be: 

1. Be brave.
2. Eat some cookies
3. Listen to the song 'candles' by daughter (I would not be exaggerating to say I listen to this everyday on repeat about 20 times.....sooooo soulful!) 
4. Have some faith in yourself. 

Ginger Wine Cocktails.

Today I had a bit of a revelation.....

So it turns out I have spent the better part of this year stressing about what to do next year. Once I started to realise that my two year course would come to an end in no time, I was surprised to find I had no back up plan. I mean yes I have long life plans (open a cafe, start a catering company, write for food magazines, open a bed and breakfast, teach yoga classes)......but no immediate ones. I had spent so much time and effort just getting myself to culinary school, working two jobs, saving all my money and then moving to Melbourne. So it hadn't really occurred to me until this year that pastry school would come to an end.....and I probably wouldn't yet be able to launch my career as a cafe owner/yoga teacher/writer just yet.

Suddenly its dawned on me that things will probably be ok, as I have landed an amazing job in a lovely pastry kitchen. Once I finally let myself believe this......I started to realise how much time I have wasted stressing over next year. I mean for goodness sake, I'm young, I'm single, and I'm in a wonderful city.....I should really just be having the time of my life pretending Im in the show 'Sex and the City.' 

In all honestly though....who really does that (I'm talking about who really lives without stress.....not who really pretends they are in the show 'Sex and the City' because I totally do that all the time)? Who really glides through this life without a worry? Without being at least a little scared that the things they are pouring their hearts into wont pan out for them.

 I sometimes think that when we are born, we should come with a little manual, or guide book to help us through life. Mine would say something like "Dear Cherry this is the guide book for an insanely creative, ambitious girl. Mainly you will bake a lot of cakes. You will fall in love A LOT (like every few weeks.....and sometimes just with strangers who make your coffee in the morning.) You're going to feel everything A LOT. And love your friends, family and lovers really really passionately. Here's some tips for you....Its all going to be ok. Sometimes your cakes wont rise. Sometimes you will wear outfits you really shouldn't have. Sometimes you wont fit into skinny jeans. All of this is ok. Just keep loving people so much, even when it hurts, stop worrying about life so much, and for goodness sake stop dating boys with dreadlocks who cant hold down a steady job (they smell)."

Unfortunately life doesn't come with one of these. If it did though, what would yours say?

Would it make you want to change something in your life?

What would you change?

I don't have all the answers to my own questions or worries......but I can make a lovely ginger wine cocktail. So while you ponder all this I suggest you make one.

Ginger Wine Cocktail

You will need:

• Ginger wine
• Sparkling water
• Lime
• Strawberries
• Ice

What to do:

1.  Find a glass....any will do, it all depends of how much cocktail you need. When I wrote this post I needed a lot of cocktail....so I made them in a jar (don't judge.)

2. Fill one third of the glass with ginger wine.

3. Cut a lime into quarters. Squeeze half of the lime into the class and add whole.

4. Cup up some strawberries and add them to the mix as well.

5. Add ice

6. Top the glass up with ice and sparkling water,then give it a stir. 

If all of this doesn't make you feel super happy about life......I highly recommend that you go into a formal shop, tell them you have a Christmas ball coming up, and try on all the dresses. It makes you feel like your in 'Sex in the City.'