Sunday, August 7, 2011

Life at the moment

This week was a strange week. Despite having a great time at pastry school and learning a lot I've been feeling a little bit off. The change of season has distracted me a lot, and I've been very caught up in money worries. So much so that I ended up cancelling all my social plans simply because I couldn't afford them. Tonight is my third night in a row I'm spending by myself and I must say it's getting a wee bit tedious. A 'big night' is when I decide to have two glasses of wine instead of one. I hate to say it...but I think I'm a little bit lonely. Really, I only have myself to blame. I've been working so hard that I haven't had the energy to be social, so it's a vicious cycle really.

On top of that I've been haunted by terrible nightmares. Not the usual scary sort though. This is a whole new level of weird and unsettling. I have been dreaming every night that I'm in a relationship (with an ex, a friend, or someone I have a crush on) and for some reason everything falls apart. They either decide they don't love me, they wreck my life, or something just goes wrong. It's so very strange, and I'm not sure what life is trying to tell me.

I'm relieved to be back at school this week, and hopefully this weird head space I have been in will shift. I am getting a wee bit tired of just my own company, but at the same time keep giving myself all this space. How on earth does one maintain a balanced lifestyle...when I can't even manage to maintain a balanced diet (I do have the eating chocolate and drinking red wine bit down though. That's part of a healthy diet, right?)

So for this little lady, it's back to gutting fish this week (we are studying seafood) and trying to sort out my life. Wish me luck.

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