Green pea and sweet potato salad

Over the past two weeks the only way to describe my mood would be restless. It is bizarre after going through such a settled stage to find myself so...unsettled. The constant flow of work and school seem irrelevant to my emotions, and as much as I love these things, I am craving something more. But what? I have spent all the year carefully constructing this balanced lifestyle only to feel like deconstructing it. I keep thinking fondly back to times where I was less happy and relationships that didn't satisfy me. Why oh why would I want these things that I know deep down that I don't want?

My head is in constant turmoil, but I have been here before. Things get good...as in really good, and I freak out. Last year when I had finally settled into a nice house in Noosa and started feeling the most content I have ever felt in a relationship, I decided it was time to end it. The simplicity that my life took on scared me a bit so I rearranged everything in my life. Why oh why cant I just settle down like the rest of the world?

What is this constant source of turmoil...? I'm going to name it grief. Something I am still dealing with on this horrible subconscious level. The last time I experienced a great loss I told my partner at the time that we needed to move states. He was so lovely and dedicated that he stood by me as I went about selling all our furniture and making plans. In the end I realised that I didn't want to move, I just didn't want to stay where I was in that moment, with my pain.

So I am restless, I am angry, I am frustrated...but mostly I just feel sad. If I dig around long enough and deep enough I find that my heart is so very sore, and I must just ride this storm out. I rage in my head everyday...but when I get a moment alone, I miss my nanny, and I'm still recovering from a break up.

Nothing can fix these things for now. So while I shove and push at life, I'm trying to at least keep my body healthy. This is what I have been cooking to keep me sane and fed:

Green Pea and Sweet potato salad

You will need:

One cup of frozen green peas

3 cloves of garlic

Half a bunch or coriander

One sweet potato cut into small chunks

Chilli flakes

One tablespoon of basil paste (pesto is fine too)

1/4 cup of goats cheese or feta

Half an avocado

What to do:

Place the cut up sweet potato on a tray. Season, and drizel with olive oil. Bake in the oven at 200 till cooked.........sorry I know that is vague, but you will know!!

Crush garlic and place in fry pan with some olive oil. Add the peas, chilli (however much you like), and basil. Season and stir till peas are warm and garlic is cooked

Dice avocado

Pick coriander off the stem

Mix everything together in a yummy big mess and sprinkle with the cheese.