A small cat

Today I found out that my pet cat back home died. I know that this isn't a very happy blog topic.....but today wasn't a very happy day. I had no idea how to deal with this news. Deaths are always such strange things to deal with. How do you morn the loss of an animal? I started by calling my ex boyfriend at seven thirty in the morning.......crying. "Isabell died," I sobbed down the phone. "Who's Isabell? " he enquired, half asleep, and confused. I spent the rest of the day in a haze. I did some baking, talk to friends, went out to dinner and then came home. I settled in to drink my housemates beers (which doesn't interrupt my healthy eating week as beer is liquid....not food.....there is no logic in this I know....just go with it, and let me pretend, I'm in morning for goodness sake!)

I think I'll really miss my cat when I go home. She was one of my favourite pets. This may sound silly.....but I liked her because she was so fiercely independent. I'm not a huge animal person, but I really liked Isabell for the fact that she just came and go as she wanted, and never really needed anyone. She was pretty aloof, and secretly I think I admired her. I'm always running around jumping from relationship to relationship, worrying about work, working about a career, trying to get everything in order, discover the perfect recipe, buy the perfect dress, fit into that perfect dress, be a good friend, be a good person, remember to just be alive...... and no I'm not crazy and I totally understand that my cat probably never had the pressure of working and going to pastry school all while trying to meet a nice boy, but still, I thought she was pretty cool in her own catish sort of way.

Loss is such a hard emotion to deal with, as it is pretty consuming. I was so grateful to have some recipes to work on so I could take my mind off it. Salted caramel tarts can be so soothing to make with all the boiling of sugar and rolling of pastry. I think my cat would have approved, because they are full of cream.......and she really liked cream.