My sister once told me that in order to meet the right man, you first have to become the right woman. This secret she shared, about a month before she met her long term boyfriend and partner. We are all a little bit in love with him too, as he compliments her perfectly and has now become part of the family. Iv'e been thinking about this theory lately, as I've been doing a little revaluation of my life before my birthday. Everyday we make decisions, good and bad, but inevitably they lead to us having the sort of life we truly want, to being the person we really want to be.
It makes you wonder what you want.....and how to start making decisions to get there. In my year of being twenty one, I feel like I started to fit into my own skin a lot more. What I wanted got clearer and I came closer to being what my mother calls 'your authentic self.'
I am ambitions. There are a lot of things I want in life. I know exactly what kind of things I want out of life, and I have a huge long list of all the things I want to do. This is not because I am an overachiever, or I'm not content with my life at the moment. Its just.....I love life, and I love living it well.
A while ago, a boy told me he loved me. This I thought was beautiful. This I thought, is what I wanted. Then I took a good look at my life and thought "no, no thats hardly enough at all." I don't want to be loved, I want to be adored. Am I asking too much? Yes, I am. But don't we all deserve too much. If we never ask anything of life, it gives us just that......nothing. I have high expectations, huge plans.
I've been putting of all this change for a while now. All asking too much, because realistically it very scary at times. I have been hiding in my little world, in my little room drinking coffee and reading magazines, afraid to venture out into the big wide world. "I'm giving myself until my birthday to pull myself together," I confided in a friend. He looked at me and said "Dates make no difference, you either do it, or you don't." This is true. Very very true. All the same, I'm giving myself to my birthday. End 21 with a rest. Do whatever I want for another week and a bit. If I want to hide in my room for days, and pretend the world doesn't exist I will totally give myself permission to do that.
But watch out 22. Your going to be magic.