Saturday, May 14, 2011

What next?

So heres where I stand (well actually sit) on a saturday night......in my red checked pyjamas, at home, eating dinner and watching a movie. Why? This is a question I have been asking myself for a while now. My life has been so insanely busy at the moment that I treasure any second I get to just be alone, and relax.

Life however is not playing some trick on me, making me so busy I hardly have time to stop. I have set it up this way. Starting at the double course in cooking school, to the gym sessions, and part time job (not to mentions study, writing, cooking and sleeping.) I custom made my life like this. Its beautiful, its busy.....but for a reason.

Lets get to the route of this. Its the usual story. Boy meets girl. They fall in love. Life intervenes, and they break up. I hate to still be going on and on about a past relationship from 6 months ago, because I have dealt with it all rather well. I did all the normal things. To start with I worked out every day. I lost a lot of weight. Then I went out a lot. Drank a bit too much. Had rebound one....which didn't work out so well, but was luckily followed by rebound two and three. All the normal healthy grieving processes.

So I have exhausted all my avenues. Now I just work a lot. Exhaust myself to the point where I am much much too tired to actually have to go out and deal with it. I'm not sure what to do next because......a lot changed over the time I started my lasted relationship and ended it. The party loving, beer drinking, long flowing skirt wearing girl left, and in her place came this dedicated career driven person, who I love and I'm so thankful and happy to be. The thing is.....She wants to live a rich and for filled life, but is unsure what to do.

These days i cringe at the idea of leaving the house after dark. I cant justify a hangover, and I have no money to even get into a club. So heres what I'm wondering.......what next?

I think we can be so afraid of getting hurt we shut down every avenue which we think could harm us, but in doing so we often neglect some of the biggest issues. I know that this is too deep for a cooking blog. But this, is how my heart feels....and thats what cooking is about...feeling, and getting burnt. Have I stopped "cooking" out of fear of getting hurt? Or do I just want new recipes? I'm not sure. I really don't know.

No comments:

Post a Comment