Monday, January 19, 2015

Hanging out in Dijon

Tonight I wrote a list of some of the most happy points in my life. I put down on paper all the moments where I just felt very alive. They ranged between laying on the beach in the middle of the night looking up at the stars, sitting in a little cabin that was made by my first love as fairy lights flashed and lit up the whole room, sitting on a crate out the front of a tiny house I lived in in Melbourne while I smoked cigarettes and wrote into a notebook, spending a weekend in a bed and breakfast up in the mountains, playing house with the first boy I even lived with in an old wooden house in melbourne, we constantly ran out of food, had to store our food on the window sill in winter because we had no fridge, and dried all our clothes on the vents in the floor. All these moments happened at very imperfect times in my life. I was poor, or working too many jobs to pay my way through pastry school, or life was simply complicated. These moments however were perfect to me. They were all the moments that I know I will look back on when I am old and be glad that I lived life exactly the way I did. I think I will be grateful of all the people I loved and the adventures I went on.

Tonight sitting in a little cottage by a fire I have had a similar moment. It is freezing cold outside and I am in the middle of no where in a tiny town out of Paris, and it is perfect. I spent my day wondering the streets, looking in art galleries, eating pastries, and shopping. The town is so beautiful here it feels like a set from a movie. All the streets are cobble stone, and old men walk about with baguettes under their arms. I want to stop them in the street and ask "Are you for real? Are you really wearing that outfit in this town, walking around with a breadstick? Or is someone paying you to do this just to make the town more quaint?"

I stumbled upon a beautiful little park today with a fountain and huge pond in it today. It looked so magical, like a mermaid would pop out of it at any moment. Its hard to believe places like this exist. I saw an exhibition in a castle today.......A CASTLE.

Apart from all this beauty though, mainly I've just been wondering around feeling pretty happy. Maybe its all the good wine I'm drinking, but I think there is more to it than that. I think I'm just so glad that my life has been so full of beautiful moments, and even more so, that I've created all these beautiful for myself to live in. I've been looking back over all the choices I have made over my life. I think its hard in your early twenties to have any clue what your doing at times, and feel so completely lost.  The older I get though the more I realise that none of the things I chose were missteps, but just roads leading to all these happy times I have had.

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