Restless

When did life get so damn serious? If I'm not worried about money, or relationships, it's the future that's bugging me. Sometimes the drudgery of it all just gets way too much. I feel like I need to maintain a certain element of strictness in my life in order to get anywhere, but I get so sick of it sometimes and just want to ruckus! The two counteract each other so intensely that I end up having no idea where I stand or what I'm about. It's that old issue...balance...and it's killing me!

One of my friends recently confided in me she was having the same issue. It was nice to know I'm not the only one wrestling with these polar opposite personalities. This, however, does not solve my problem, and I'm still left wondering how one maintains a sense of self, fun, and creativity, whilst also trying to pull together some sort of a career and convince the world that I can be taken seriously! It is exhausting and really just makes me want to have a glass of wine...or six.

I think what I'm trying to express is this...LATELY I HAVE BEEN FEELING VERY, VERY RESTLESS...and I have no clue what to do about it.

So today I took the day off, in an attempt to mollify my restlessness. I thought maybe if I took a day off, and had a rest, maybe it would help. Maybe all I need is a break from this constant waking up early, going to school, going to work routine to make me feel at ease again. I'm not sure, and I don't know if it worked or not. What I really think I need is a holiday. However, this is not a reality.

Look how restless I am! Even my blog writing has turned into pure ranting. This is meant to be about food...and emotions as a sideline. All I seem to talk about these days is my emotions!!

Despite all this restlessness I have been starting to get quite inspired lately about some of the things I would like to do later in life with my cooking. I'm getting ideas for funky little cafe/pastry shops with just the right balance between earthiness and chic. I have been planning cakes, and pastries to make, and it's really quite glorious.

So at least I can leave this post on a happy note! I'm thinking of baking an apple cake tonight. If it turns out lovely I will post up the recipe. Hope you're all having a lovely day and are feeling quite a bit less restless than me.