Looking at my computer screen takes a lot more squinting than usual today. My eyes are so incredibly puffy I'm surprised I can see out them at all. This though is my own fault. My own silly emotional fault. I have always been quite curious by nature. I like to see how things play out and try all different solutions in life. I'm also not very good at letting go, which makes me extremely loyal...and at other times extremely stupid.

So it came as no surprise to me when eight months after an ended relationship I was still curious to see if it really had finished. So me in all my wisdom decided to write a nine page long letter to my past boyfriend asking if he too felt we had really reached the end of "us." Well lets just put it this way... it turns out we had, and despite his guarantee that this is what he would want more than anything, he knew me too well and took a deep, deep look into my heart and said "I don't think I can make you happy right now, so it's best I'm not with you."

I always love it when someone knows you so very well that they can understand how your feeling without even asking. When someone can sum up the words for you that you are too afraid to utter. This week however this played against me, as someone knew what my soul wanted but not my heart, so let me be, so I could finally get some peace.

This however is less fun that cutting up chillies when you have cuts all over your hands. It is less fun than gutting a huge bucket of frozen squid. It is less fun than being given 30 onions to dice. I would know...because I have done all these things. Right now I would take them any day over how I feel today.