Macaroons

Today I stayed home sick. I knew I was really sick because I didn't even leave the house. This is usually a crime for me, and I go stir crazy if I don't at least do a little trip into town for a coffee. But all I wanted to do today was rest. I have a four hour sleep in the afternoon, and I didn't even feel like baking. Ok ok to be honest I did practice my macaroon recipe which I'm not at all happy with. They were the wrong consistency and it drove me crazy. Why can't I be like normal people and just stop when I'm sick? Instead I was boiling sugar to 120 degrees trying to get my italian meringue texture right.

Here is the biggest problem I'm having with my baking at home at the moment (apart from the stupid oven burning on the bottom before it cooks on the top), I don't have electric scales. So all my measurements are off by a little bit. Nothing is exact, and with pastry you need exact. So everything is coming out a little wonky.

The whole concept reminds me of something I've been brewing over recently. I've been thinking a lot about the saying 'wearing your heart on your sleeve,' as its something I do all the time. I think some people are born with an inbuilt scale on when to stop loving, or when to pull back. Not me however. My scale (such as the one in my kitchen) is a little off. When people would generally be weary I jump in. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, I take it to an all new extreme and wear it on my hand (in the form of a tiny little love shaped tattoo just above my thumb.) It reminds me to put love into everything I cook and to be kind to myself.

At times it also reminds me of my "wonky scales," and that I through my heart too easily into things and people. A friend recently commented that I have had a very interesting life (I had been talking about the monk I lived with, and the boy I met on a cruise, and a few other things) and I realised the only reason that it has been a little extraordinary at times is because I have thrown my heart into relationships..............and gotten hurt.

So I guess I'm glad. My scales are out of whack........but how many people do you know that can make macaroons? I'll be all right......actually I think I'll be more that alright.

I hope that all made sense.